Eulogy

de $uicideboy$

3 AM drinking with this pistol on my lap
Six medications
Guess there ain’t no fixing that
It's that broken mother fucker
Knuckling till I relapse
If I die they might cry till they inherit my stacks
Cold fucking world
Tell me what’s the word?
Only time I speak my heart is when the message come out slurred
People pleasing
Always eager to fix a motherfuckers problems
Leave me at the bottom
More comfortable with gomorrah and sodom
I chew on fent and rot my teeth
All for moments of peace and slow heart beats
Got offered a God I dissed
Who gon save me?
All I could do was laugh and say: C'est la vie
Woe is me I know you get the picture
This type of pain will earn you seven figures
Check my DNA my RNA come with predictors
This shit is scripture and for what I got there’s no elixirs
Feel like I'm not enough
Find myself playing my dad like Honey Boy and Shia LeBeouf
My mama crying as she watch the clock
Text my bro I love him even though he got my number blocked
I would give up everything to see my brothers clean
No second thoughts
It's fuck the cost or take me
Leave 'em be
Take my money
Say you love me even if it's lies
That connections so depressing but it's all I got

When I die just play this fuckin song
I was never meant for this been torture just to carry on
Couple coupes, lotta zeroes, and a couple homes
None of it did shit for me
Cock the pistol now I'm-

Head in the clouds
It looks like it might rain again
Always holding back tears
It's how I manage to pay the rent
Pay the bills
Place the bet so I don't have to chase the check
Verified through $UICIDE
The glitz and glamour came and went
Wash my fucking soul and still that one stain is kept
I just wanna be loved
The root of all my pain except the type that come with age
In death I can finally lay and rest
I'm owed a little peace and I'm ready to erase the debt
I never planned on showing the world the face that hides behind the mask
I always thought the last thing I would hear would be the gun's blast
Filling the black hole in my chest with sex and drugs but it never lasts
It never lasts
Shit
Two years ago big pharma should've just cashed me out
Now I got a deviated septum
I'ma just rat me out
Pat me down
Ask me how I'm still depressed
All they see is my set
All they see is lack of debt
All they see is what they wanna see
Calling me a wanna be
I don't wanna be in misery
Exit the pharmacy
Get a girl I wanna see
I wanna see how hard I bleed when she rips out my fucking heart
Enter the pharmacy
I'm a private person and take pride in my verses
Fuck your whole opinion
I don't care if it worsens
I'll ruin my reputation and make sure it's on purpose
Fuck this shit