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de Ryan Oakes

Oh, it's quiet in the evening
Dust on the ceiling
Knock on the door, but no one's home

Feel myself slipping and I hop in the whip
Thinking a night drive will settle me and I'll get a grip
I put my foot down on the gas and now I'm starting to drift
And I can feel my heart beating deep inside of my ribs

Going over all scenarios and all the what-ifs
I think that it's about time I try to give 'em their wish
I'm thinking 'bout a way to end it so it's painless and quick
And go from someone they know into somebody they'll miss

I could hit a brick wall like all the ones that I built
Around myself, or maybe swallow down a bottle of pills
But maybe not, 'cause I can't even learn to swallow the guilt
Or tell my therapist the way I fucking actually feel

Homie, shit's getting real, 'cause I'm sick of the pain
Got the drive inside of me from never catching a break
It's an infection, I can feel it spreading out in my veins
And the only way to beat it is accepting my fate

Oh, it's quiet in the evening
Dust on the ceiling
I wrote a note to all I've known
Was never the right time
I said my goodbyes
Knock on the door, but no one's home

I'm exhausted from circling inside of my head
I'm feeling nauseous, struggling with catching my breath
100-pound weight buried deep inside of my chest
I'm going round 8, waking up and covered in sweat

With nothing left to give, and nothing left to lose
I'm thinking this is it, it's time to make my move
I rip out every stitch, open up all my wounds
To feed the emptiness, I got a date with fumes

I'm filling my garage with carbon monoxide
While I'm on the phone with the suicide hotline
Telling 'em my life sucks, I'm ready to swap sides
And when I'm gone, time will keep on moving clockwise

Nah, I'ma end this with the way it started
The Hollywood way they can milk and market
A knife from my back to my wrist and carve it
And finally give myself a red carpet. Damn

Oh, it's quiet in the evening
Dust on the ceiling
I wrote a note to all I've known
Was never the right time
I said my goodbyes
Knock on the door, but no one's home

Tap on the window—I thought that the reaper was tucking me into my bed
It was a cop, and the way that he found me, he thought he was pulling out somebody dead
Calling me lucky and telling me somebody's coming to put me together again
Suddenly something was changing, I'm feeling like I can see life through a different lens

Now it's all hitting me, what was I thinking? Thought I didn't wanna survive
Hard to believe a coincidence didn't just happen and all of this wasn't a sign
But in that time is when I noticed that I felt alive
I had to cheat death to realize I didn't wanna die

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