Indiana Jones vs Lara Croft

de Epic Rap Battles of History

[Harry Houdini]
You've never seen a body quite the same as that of Houdini!
Slippery like linguine, sneaking out of teeny-weeny
Little spaces small enough to fit your talent, David
You're not a challenge, David
Your biggest endowment's your bank account balances, baby!
So abracadabra, you billowy bitch
Man, you look like a pirate on a Las Vegas strip
I'm swallowing needles and spitting out evil
You couldn't escape from a flash paper bag
I'm badder with patter and matter of fact
You can't match all my skill if you sawed me in half

[David Copperfield]
When I was a child, you were a God to me
I had to do what you do
Now you're like a Chinese wall to me
Bitch, I'll walk right through you
This ain't the magic that you're used to
I float a rose, hands free, like it's Bluetooth
My grand illusions make your parlor tricks irrelevant
The foot of Lady Liberty is stomping on your elephant
You failed at making movies and you failed at making kids
You should stick to what you're good at and lock them lips
Here's a tidbit that might drive you nuts
I bought half of your shit and I keep it locked up
Got the slim fingers that were built for sleights
You're a chunky stuntman
Dressed in tights
You talk shit about your hero
That ain't right
But you can look up to me now
I know you like heights

[Harry Houdini]
Ah! Your hack of a Bob Saget-y act is embarrassing
You're the saddest thing to happen to Magic since The Gathering
I'm hanging by my ankles, on a crane I dangle
I got lox on my bagel that you couldn't handle
Smash your mirrors while your flying wires tangle
You can't hide shame with a camera angle

[Criss Angel]
Did somebody say Angel?

[Harry Houdini]
No

[Criss Angel]
Oh

[David Copperfield]
See what they'd be watching if it wasn't for me?
I remind the world that magic is supposed to make you happy
While you waste time proving everybody wrong
I'm backstage getting my supermodel groove on
You should relax, take a private trip
To my private island, suck my private dick
I summon up a little Halloween brunch
Deep-fried sucker with a side of punch