Ash Ketchum vs Charles Darwin

de Epic Rap Battles of History

[Ash Ketchum]
Darwin wants to battle?
Doesn't seem like a fight
But this should be fun
I've yet to catch the ghost type
Got the highest speed stat
Drop raps lightning fast
Open my pockets and go! (Charizard!)
On your ass
'Cause I'm Ash
And that's A to "shush"
I don't care how many beatles and
Butterflies you squoosh
Your earthworms can't beat
These magical beasties
Your shit talking mouth is the origin of feces
You got candy raps
Reese's Pieces
In this ecosystem
I'm the dominant species
When it's time to train
I turn to Pikachu
But when I need a weak verse
I choose you!

[Charles Darwin]
Hello there
Welcome to a world called Earth
Where actual minds
Do ground breaking work
If you're looking for the fittest
I'm the natural selection
You're so ineffective
You couldn't even turn 11
What you spit's just not hard hitting enough
It's kids stuff!
You're soft like a Jigglypuff
You got no Game Boy
So you'll get the broom quick
The real Ash packs a much bigger boomstick!
I'm a masterful naturalist
What I've glimpsed will outclass all the crap
On your laughable list
My research reserved the first words of the church
You measure your worth
By the sales of your merch

[Ash Ketchum]
Yo, I'm real quick
This dude spent 8 years studying barnacle dick
Kick it
You think I'm impressed by your boat trip?
Please
You're the most annoying thing on a Beagle
Since fleas
You're a glitchy old man best left out at sea
Set sail and Galápago-suck on these

[Charles Darwin]
Look
Mighty Morphin Michael Vick
Your animated slave fights make me sick
When I battle a foe
From so simple a beginning
I'm not Charles Sheen
But I am Dar-winning

[Ash Ketchum]
Man, if that's true
Then natur is cruel
'Cause the only thing you're winning
Is your cousin's gene pool
You lost three children
While they were still small
TB and scarlet fever
Gotta catch 'em all!

[Charles Darwin]
It took millions of years
For mankind to evolve
Now they're hunched over cellphones
Playing with your balls
And it was hard
Losing my daughters and their brother
As hard as the wood
That Oak gave your mother