Adam vs Eve

de Epic Rap Battles of History

[Eve]
This battle's gonna end like every argument does
With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub
I made a map, motherfucker, and I'm reading it too
It gives me specific directions on how to fuck with you
I know that you like to think you're so macho
But you smell like ballsacks and nachos
I work while you and your boyfriend Steve
Drink and play sports in a fantasy league
You're as sharp as a stick, that I rub on my lips
So go ahead, take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss
Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list
If you stopped fucking up I wouldn't have to get pissed

[Adam]
My life was fine till you had to come along and wreck it
Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?
You crap on everything but can't decide what you want
I'm hungry, I'm fat, I'm cold, I'm hot
You call that complex, but yo I call you a mess
You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed
You got a lotion for this, you got a cream for that
Got any perfume that smells like get the fuck off my back?
When things are good, they're great, and it's like I'm dreaming
Until your junk starts bleeding and you turn into a demon
It ain't Summer Eve, don't try to play me like a douche
You want a bite of my fruit? Well you can swallow the truth

[Eve]
Don't even bring up swallow
The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow
One pump chump, and you're hung like a weasel
Ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle!
You want a lone time? Have it! In fact
Suck your own dick and shave your own back
That apple's the best thing I've bit so far
Now I see how much of a dick you are

[Adam]
I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips?
I was just thinking, yo did I give up a rib for this?
Woman, I just don't know what your problem is
All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch!