And everyone should get along
Ok children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce your new substitute teacher forthe day
His name is mr. Shady
Children quite down please
Brian don't throw that (shut up!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while mr. Kaniff is outwith pnumonia
(He's got AIDS!) good luck Mr. Shady

Hi there little boys and girls
(Fuck you!) today we're going to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (huh?)
Say hi bob, (hi Bob) Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
And he don't got a job cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
But his 12 year old brother looks up to him awful lot
And bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks hisdog
He drag 'em in the woods and goes straight to the choppinblock
And even if they escape and got the cops
The ladies would be so afraid, they would drop the charge
Till one night mrs. Stacey went off the job
When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off hisrocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the locker
You couldn't even take him to dre's to get bob a doctor
He grabbed Stace by the leg, he chopped it off her
And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off the wander
They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana
And what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want it, cause it's bad for you

See children, drugs are bad
And if you don't believe me, ask ya dad
And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time
So kids say no to drugs
So you don't act like everyone else does
And there's really nothing else to say
Drugs are just bad mmm k

My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
Fuck no you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (huh?)
Speaking of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Extacy is the worst drug in the world
If someone offers it to you, don't do it
Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in ya back
Meet Zack, 21 years old
After hanging around with some friends at a frat party he getsbold
And decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
And peer pressure will win everytime you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse
And his pulse goes into hyperdrive, and his eyes go back in hisskull
His back starts ta look like the mcdonald's arches
He's on Donald's carpet, laying horizontal barfin'
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
Hey Adam, Zack is a jackass, look at him
So they took it to, so they think it's funny
So their laughin' at basically nothing
Except maybe wastin' their money
Meanwhile, zack's in a coma, the action is over
And his back and his shoulders, hunched up like he was practicin'yoga
And that's the story of zack, the extacy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad foryou

See children, drugs are bad
And if you don't believe me, ask ya dad
And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time
So kids say no to drugs
So you don't act like everyone else does
And there's really nothing else to say
Drugs are just bad mmm k

Last but not least
One of the most humungous problems among young people today
Is fungus
It grows from cow manure
They pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up
And you put it right in ya mouth and chew it... Yum yum
Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some, of... 'em
And sometimes you see things that aren't there
(Like what?) like fat woman in g-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a g-string?)
It's worn, claire! Women stick them up their behind, and go outand wear 'em
(Huh?)

And if you swallow too much of the magic mushroom
Whoops, did I say magic mushroom, I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets all swolled up like a cow's tongue
(How come?) cause it comes from a cow's dump (oh)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad know that's all I'm good at
(Ert) but don't be me
Cause if ya grow up and ya go and od
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't
Cause I'm bad for you

See children, drugs are bad
And if you don't believe me, ask ya dad
And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time
So kids say no to drugs
So you don't act like everyone else does
And there's really nothing else to say
Drugs are just bad mmm k

Come on children, clap along
(Shut up!) sing along children (suck my motherfucking dick!) drugs are just bad
Drugs are just bad (south park is gonna sue me) so don't dodrugs
So there'll be more for me (God damnit! Mushrooms killed kenny)