Step right up
We bring to you the finest entertainment
And I'm pleased to be your humble servant
Accept our hospitality, indulge in abnormality

Step right up
We've something here for everyone's enjoyment
I do this as a gift, not for employment
A portrait of insanity, approach with your humanity

Come see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half off after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls

Some of them are really quite attractive as you see
Some are truly hideous, I'm sure that you'll agree
While others still look rather quite a lot like you and me
But you mustn't let them fool you, just one more rule

You shouldn't look this one too long in the eye
And that one, let's just keep walking by
These ain't no ordinary girls, and we've a steady supply
So grab another cup of tea, and follow me

To see the girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half off after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls

Now, has anybody any clever questions for your guide?
For a penny more, go on and ask, we have nothing here to hide.

Quiet down! You, sir
If insanity's primarily a femininish malady,
And no one's doubting that for it's a scientific fact,
Then according to the medics, are they faultier genetics?
Are they born with this disease, or is it something they contract?

It has all to do with reproductive organs
Which are naturally unstable in a dame
You see from lunar, we have, lunacy and lunatic and loony
And they're always ovulating by the cycle of the moony

I have a question
Has any patient ever been released?
Would you send her home if her bizarre behavior would decrease?
For the good of our society, they oughtn't reproduce
So while they may pretend propriety, we'll never let them loose

Come see the girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half off after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls

Some are born mad
Some achieve madness
Some have madness thrust upon them
This is the real thing my friends, guaranteed 100 percent, authentic, mentally-ill
Except no imitations
For a little extra on the side, you can arrange
For a slightly more intimate encounter, wink wink
For a tuppence, just a tuppence, a handful of pills to feed the inmates
We've got pills for depression, obsession, agression, possession, indiscretion,
There's a bloody pill for everything nowadays!

How big is a lady's brain?
It's really very, very small, a simple thought is quite a strain
This seems just a bit inhumane
It's just a simple little shock, it doesn't cause her any pain

You see, they're really more like animals than people
Which haven't proven having any souls at all.
The only bits that aren't inferior are bosom and posterior
And these are only useful in a seedy music hall

They don't bite, well they might
I say this one does look hungry tonight
So get your picture with an inmate
But be sure she's locked up tight

They're practically wild sir
Protect your child sir
They can't recall the taste of freedom
They're just happy if we feed them

So point and laugh, it isn't bad
They oughtn't mind because they're mad!
If you haven't got a dime, toss us your pearls
You're welcome to enjoy

Our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after 4 o' clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time

I've got a lot more words to say, but I just can't make them rhyme
So ladies, let this be a lesson to you, keep your hair uncut
Your corsets tight, your morals high
Your knitting neat, your yappers shut
This is what comes of over-educating,
Mentally over-stimulating,
Too much serious conversating,
Organized religion-hating,
Sinful over-copulating,
Marriage without pro-creating,
Girl-on-girl caught lesbiating,
She was caught while masturbating,
They all mind manipulating,
Chronically hallucinating,
Certainly there's no debating,
Some we just find fascinating,
Women's rights facilitating,
Independent thought creating,
She just may be complicating,
Get your money out we're waiting

To see those
Girls!
Girls!
Girls!