The Real Slime Shady

de Dan Bull

So it's nearly time for me to go
But i want to thank you for being here
It's been a pleasure
I mean that truly
And now i'm going to do a convoluted tune
A composition that i'm particularly proud of

Never been a fellow to be down with the gs
Hardly ever collect felonies out on the street
My criminal record took minimal effort
To scribble and get all it down on a sheet
Me, i can do without the police
See, i'm a dude renowned to be tedious
No pissing about, i'm serious
I really just sit around on a seat
Read a book, put it down, have a wee
'til i feel i've had enough then i slouch in my pjs
These days when i'm counting my sheep
It takes me ages drowsing to sleep
Feel i'm thousands of feet out of my league
Like a floundering dinghy down in the deep
People shouting at me i'm not allowed on a beat
But there's four times more that'll tell me i'm sweet
I found my release when i bought me a mic
And recorded a tight lyric down on a beat
With the sound so loud that the speakers
Melt with the heat cos i'm dan to the b

One, two, i'm counting to three
Then i want you, to bounce to the beat
From the north to the west to the south to the east
We can all get well rowdy

I oughtn't lie, i mean demographically
There's a hypothesis i support:
That i am the more priviliged in all of society
Quite unlike the baller i try and be
I was born in a nice region
And brought up politely
So i was taught to mind my ps and qs
And make way for oaps in queues
I'm a decent dude, peaceful too
But on a beat i speak with lethal truth
This sequel to my debut album's
A way to tell them the good news:
That i'm a middle class kid from the midlands
Less "safe" more like "how you diddling?"
I'm like a polo without the middle in
More whole than the hole to fill it in
Though i'm a bitter kid, just a little bit
Bringing mint lyrics but no-one's listening
But i'm in the zone and i'm coveting the throne
So i'm not gonna give it in, gloves coming off and i'm boxing until i win
Watch when i'm in the ring
Roundhouse my doubts, bopping them in the chin
Plot thickening along with the smoke
But i'm not gonna choke - i've got ventolin
Like when i kicked my bong and it broke
It allowed me the freedom to breathe the air again
And now that i'm clean and the songs that i wrote then
Are out and they're seen i am proud to be me
You could tell when i'd been chilling out with some weed
I couldn't leave the house, you could smell the febreze
Now when i'm out on an evening in town i'm a demon
Downing indecent amounts of ribena
'til i'm down on my knees and in pieces
Weeping shouting "help me, please"
But when i'm having doubts about my belief
I just tell myself that i'm proud to be me